dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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