Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
