Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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