That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
