my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
