ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
