Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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