I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
