Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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