she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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