I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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