I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
