Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
