I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
