His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
