She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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