Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
