I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
