there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
