So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
