Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
