Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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