i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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