After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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