i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
