you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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