we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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