I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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