going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
