Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
