Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
