you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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