Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I love you. Go after that dick
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
