So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
