omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
