You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
