I think I am morally bankrupt
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
