census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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