I accidentally burped into my bong.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
