Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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