the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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