I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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