Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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