I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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