maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
