hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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