Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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