I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
