she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
