I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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