He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
