so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
