Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
