I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
