Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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