me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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