The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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