She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
