Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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